8.03.2012

The Loss of our baby #4

  I don't even know where to start. I am sad, mad, angry, confused, hurt, shocked and every other emotion there possibly is. I would have never thought in a million years that this would have happened to me. Not because i feel like am perfect or anything in that sorts, but I don't think anyone can think or imagine something like this happen to them nor does anyone want this to happen. It is by far one of the hardest things that I can ever go through.  

This is only the beginning stage, I'm sure I will cry and hurt some more as this process finishes. Its so sad to think of what could have been but, can no longer be! This was exactly how I wanted everything to go. I wanted Madison to be oh so very close in age with this new little one but, obviously, God has other plans. It hurts because I truly thought this was God's plan for me to have this baby... and I guess it was... it just took a different turn then what I had imagined.

Ladies who have gone through this more then once... I don't even know what to say... because by me saying you are strong does not help one bit of what you are feeling or what you must have felt. But what I do know now is that you are not alone ( i am not alone). People can tell you over and over that it is better now then later on in pregnancy for this to happen (which is true), but anything or everything that anyone says cannot undo what I am or you are feeling. The process itself is so hard. Seeing and feeling your body get rid of this precious little thing that could have been is just beyond sadness.

YES,  I know, i am truly very blessed that i already have 3 beautiful healthy baby girls.  i am so very, very thankful for them and blessed to be able to have kids! but, this doesn't make this process any easier, it still hurts... a lot.

God knows the plans he has for me and I know that he will turn this into good.
As mad as I was at Him and angry, deep down inside, I know, His way is the best way. He knows what my future awaits me and my family. I cant see my future but He can, so that is why He knows what is best for me in the long run. I will always trust in him even through the storms because I know he brings sunshine in the end results.


21 comments:

  1. I am soooo sorry to hear this. I can honestly say, I know somewhat of how your feeling. I've been through 3 miscarriages. But trust me, we all hurt differently and affects each of us in our own way. I encourage you to not be afraid to grieve. God says there's a time for it. Lean earnestly upon Him. I don't even have the words to say except I am so sorry you are going through this. I will really be praying for you guys!! May God bless you again soon!! xoxo

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  2. Oh Olga I am so sorry! I will be keeping you close in my thoughts and prayers!

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  3. I'm so so sorry for this awful news :( things like this, I just don't understand. So thankful God knows. Will be praying for you, sweet Olga. And your family. Psalm 34:17 & 18. XO

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  4. I have been a silent reader for quite some time now. I love your blog you're such an inspiration! When I read this my heart completely broke for you! In April I had a ruptured ectopic prefnancy that resulted in emergeny surgery and the lost of our first child. My heart aches so much for you cause I know how you feel. Know that you are not alone and are in my prayers. If you need an ear or anything don't hesitate to reach out. In Christ, Kayla O

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  5. I'm so sorry to hear this. I thought this verse would help: Psalm 30:5 "...Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning." It will get better. Praying for you.

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  6. via Bible Gateway...great site to look up verses according to topic!

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  7. Friend... I'm so very sad for you. I know that God will heal all wounds and has the best plan for your life. There are no words that can make any of it better, but I'm so grateful that I can stand beside you during these tough times.

    I love you times infinity!

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  8. Olga, these are the perfect words and I love you so much!!! You described it perfectly and I'm in awe of you for drawing so near to God through this process. You are absolutely wonderful and God has great plans in your future. Love you and your little angel!! <3

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  9. I'm so sorry Olga. It's hard-whether you have kids ir not. I had a mc before I had my second and it took a whole year for me to get pregnant again. It was a tough time for me but God had plans for me and he answers prayers in his time.

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  10. Olga, there are no words to say in a time like this. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

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  11. Oh Olga, I am so, so sorry to hear this. There are no words, it just plain sucks. I am praying for you and your hubby in the days ahead. I know your faith is strong and you will get through this.

    "Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted."-Matthew 5:4

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  12. Olga, I am so sorry, I know the pain that you are going through and it's simply horrible. I'm praying for you and are here for you as well. Lots of love and prayers being sent your way, xo

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  13. I'm so sorry Olga. I've been there, twice. I know the pain both physical and emotional. I pray you feel God's peace and presence during this time. You are right, he has good plans for you and he IS faithful!

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  14. Oh Olga, I'm so sorry to hear this. I know there are no words to take the pain away or make this any easier, but know that God is watching over you and will get you & your family through this. I will keep you & your family in my prayers.

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  15. Wow ...Im very sorry to read this. Sending prayers of hope and strength your way :)

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  16. Oh, I am so so so sorry you had to go through this. I can't begin to imagine what it feels like, and won't pretend to know. Just know that there's a plan and even though the plan might not be attractive/desired now, everything will be OK. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

    XO

    Melissa

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  17. I am so sorry to hear this - and I know no words I could write would really help. But I'll pray for you & your family to heal. I will pray for you to be comforted.

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  18. Oh sweet friend, my heart is aching for you after reading this. I am so very sorry. I cannot imagine the pain of it... I will be keeping you in my prayers and praying that the Holy Spirit will minister peace to you. We know you are a blessed woman and Momma, but that doesn't mean you can't grieve the loss of your baby. Cry because of your loss here on this earth, rejoice because you know Who holds your sweet baby safely. Love and prayers sweet friend, and xo

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  19. Girl...I just now saw this post. I am so sorry!! I can't imagine the pain of this. My prayers are with you friend.

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  20. I am so sorry I haven't been around your blog lately. You know how life gets sometimes...busy! That's no excuse though...I am so sorry to hear of your loss! This must be such a hard thing for you to deal with, but just know that I'll be praying for God's encouragement and strength for all of you guys (and especially you) during this rough time. You'll just have to trust that God needed that sweet baby in heaven more than you needed that baby here. Someday when you get to heaven, you'll hold that sweet baby again and all will be well. :) Hang in there and know that you're being covered in prayer! :)

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  21. Olga, I'm so sorry you suffered this loss. I pray that the Lord and prayers from friends/family have lifted you up during this dark time. Blessings, Leah (Avilla) Roy.

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Thank you for blessing me with your sweet comments!! <3 them!